It was strange old day
Starting rehearsals this way
But we began by viewing
Our “luxury” lodge

It was the downstairs part
Of our directors’ house
Right next door
To the rehearsal hall

We were taken in
To a room that smelled of bin
With an empty fridge
And a banana in the sink

There were three beds in our room
But for the boys there were just two
So, they had to grapple with
who was going to share with who?

Once that was decided
We put our bags down
And that’s when I noticed
There was a spider in my bed

There was a spider in my bed
A spider in my bed
I’m really scared of spiders
A spider in my bed

It’s ok, I thought,
I’ll just hoover that up later
I can deal with that,
it’s no big deal

But then I looked up and that’s when I saw
Spider’s for days
Everywhere I looked, there were
more more MORE!!

A spider in my bed
And a spider in my bag
A spider on the ceiling
Now, that might not seem so bad
But there were spiders in the bathroom
Spiders in the sink
Spiders in the empty fridge
It really makes me flinch
Spiders in the couch
Spiders on the stairs
Spiders in the roller blinds
THERE’S NOW A SPIDER IN MY HAIR
Spiders in my socks 32 and spiders in my shoes
Oh, it’s great, there’s black wall paper
NOPE, That’s a thousand spiders too
It might be ok if you don’t really care
BUT THERE ARE Spiders Spiders Spiders Spiders
Spiders everywhere

There are spiders everywhere
Spiders everywhere
Wriggling and writhing
There are spiders everywhere

Needless to say,
I had a sleepless night
Tried to suck it up,
But woke up with a fright
Two spiders now were mating
Right where I’d laid my head
And their sexual behaviour
Was now happening inside my bed

I tried not to scream
Tried not to wake the rest of the team
But I leapt right out of my sheets
And let out a bit of wee

I sat upon the sofa
To try to grab some sleep
But they followed me in
And started going at it on my feet

GET OFF I yelled,
forgetting it was night
And I stamped stamped stamped
until I felt like I’d given them a fright
They didn’t seem to care,
They just stopped and stared
All the while their cousins are
Crawling around everywhere

They’re staring at me
And crawling on me
Staring at me
And crawling on me
Having sex on me
And crawling on me
Staring and crawling
And sexing on me

The next day I scared
My cast mates as they rose
I was shivering on the sofa
And pulling at my clothes

Rocking back and forth
Eyes weeping quite a lot
Nobody could comfort me
I wanted that night to be forgot

That happened
5 years ago
It hasn’t happened since,
You’ll all be pleased to know
But even so, I have to say
That still to this day
I’ve never been able to look at spiders
In the same way

They broke me that night,
That much is true
And I hope that this story
Hasn’t broken you
But if you start a new job
And they offer you somewhere to rest
Make sure it isn’t inside
A giant spiders’ nest

A giant spiders’ nest
A giant spiders’ nest
I just wanted to rest
But I was in a spiders’ nest
A giant spiders’ nest
A giant spiders’ nest
I just wanted to rest
But I was in a spiders’ nest